Welcome to the future\'s land of make-believe
If she could just wiggle her toes and shift the string, maybe no one would notice, and she’d be rid of the searing agony.
She’d been through worse, she reminded herself, as she slowly exhaled the breath she’d be holding in. Air crept back into her lungs and she tried to focus on breathing and how hard she was going to smack Alex once he finally gave her the all clear.
What the hell was taking him so long?
I have a few ideas that might make this site live on, but for now I am not doing much with it. I think I’m going to renew it, though, because the ideas I have been organizing are perfect for my original intentions for the fictionarium.
My last post on here was so somber, I thought this place needed a bit of sprucing up, so I decided to re-direct visitors to the new site. I still have some high hopes for some fictionarium projects, but for now most of my attentions are on Scurvytown and my graduate studies.
Something has been nagging away at me, something about unhappiness, specifically how miserable I was at my former job. I was only happy when making my own fun, on those rare opportunities I could make someone laugh, or cheer a fellow sufferer up.
That’s it, I suddenly realized today. It’s pretty obvious, actually, the ways we make our own misery, and how when stuck inside this sort of cycle of misery (kind of like a cycle of abuse, with enabling and making excuses and all those old issues), we cannot seem to break ourselves free of it, until we reach some kind of epiphany, or in my case, when the unhealthy element was removed from my life.
I think this is why I am so thankful that I got downsized, not simply because it falls in line with my theme of the year (Purge-a-thon 2010!), but because I couldn’t save myself. I had to be cut loose to get away from that misery. And now that the misery is gone, what do I fill in the empty space? All I know is I am trying to fill it with as much positivity, happiness, and productive writing as I can cram into a day.
And you know, it’s hard work. I feel like I am working harder than when I had this awful job, maybe because of some kind of self-imposed work ethic that I didn’t even realize I had in me. I feel like I am pushing myself a little too hard at the moment, and that I need to let myself cool off a bit, relax, and enjoy this free time, the process of writing, and the opportunities that will eventually reveal themselves.