Note for my mother: for August, I decided to do a dialogue series. Love you, Mom! Take the gross/ pervy stuff with a grain of salt (or rinse your brain with bleach), it’s my characters, I swear, not me!
1. I have invented something far more sinister than I had dreamed to create upon starting the experiment.
2. That’s the funny thing about a self-deprecating sense of humor, you love yourself and hate yourself all in one breath.
3. The little cat purred so loudly, it was almost impossible to hear what she was thinking beneath the din.
4. Well, I’m a terrible listener, but if you can get me to shut the hell up for ten minutes, I’ll try not to think about other things while you talk.
5. I have just invented something which I like to call a “Punjabi Smoothie.”
6. I’m a fan of complaining, and the weather here sucks, so it’s kind of perfect for me.
7. Pain was a part of waking up, as much a part of it as wiping sleep from one’s eyes.
8. I have been contemplating the various vessels for hummus consumption, and I think I love it so much, I would totally lick it off someone’s nuts.
9. It’s not that I never wanted to be a hero, it’s more that everything I ever did to help seemed to end up making things much, much worse.
10. There I lay, once again unscathed, while those who fought along bravely beside me would fight no more.
11. The dirt washes off and the scars are brighter, almost like new.
12. The umbrella held out for about ten seconds against the violent tirade of the wind.
13. These squirrels are getting deader by the minute.
14. When something doesn’t heal right, it changes you, makes you harder, darker, the color of pain.
15. Do you mind holding these while I jump up and down?
16. Change is on the horizon, you can sort of feel the electricity ripping at the stitches of time, a metamorphosis that has been itching to burst free.
17. I wake up with my hands balled in fists, like I am fighting off some kind of pain in my sleep, teeth grinding, knuckles white, restless.
18. Actually, we’re going to head over to the mall and go get those matching BFF necklaces.
19. For miles around, shots rang out, and men fell, and I fell, but here I stand.
20. I would imagine octopus wrangler to be one of the more challenging career paths in life.
21. Things change, and people change, but at the same time, everything is the same everywhere.
22. The sun may be shining now, but it’s going to rain today.
23. I love this time of morning, so quiet.
24. If you spill my beer, I will spill your blood.
25. I looked up at the rain and I waited for the cold hand of death.
26. Fuck the pure at heart; they’re pleading for it.
27. His girlfriend is in prison!
28. There’s nothing like the mis-adventure of fleeing into one’s own twisted and tormented imagination.
29. It was then I realized that even after all these years, she didn’t know me at all, and that was probably mostly my own fault.
30. I’ve found an aberration, or perhaps something out of the ordinary has discovered me.
31. I am not impressed by your silence.